How do Psychologists Heal?

HOW HEALING HAPPENS IN MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS?

The last few months have given everyone a chance to self-introspect. People have not only started understanding the importance of their physical health but also their 'mental well-being'. And understandably so, with the pandemic spreading more and more, with every passing day people have started to become insecure about their Psycho-social health. 

Being a mental health professional myself, I know for a fact, that the concerns about proximal and distant future due to this growing spectrum of uncertainty has increased in manifolds. Being a professional I have had the opportunity to interact with people from all walks of life throughout this phase, guiding them and facilitating their mental and emotional well-being in all ways possible.

But it was until yesterday, when someone asked me out of curiosity that 'Mam how do you maintain your own sanity amidst all this chaos? How do you heal yourself at times like these? Times when you must be surrounded by people who are disturbed in ways more than one day in day out which at times might combine with your own stressors if any?' that I realized that truer words haven't been said. 

I couldn't have agreed more and reverted that 'I appreciate your concern, at least some one cares. We at times don't get a benefit of doubt like every other non-psychology professional. People don't allow us to be 'normal' (if there is any for that matter) because of their preconceptions attached to our ability to manage ourselves most of the times. Even worse being that we ourselves don't allow us to break down if need be. There are times when we are having our own share of lows but have to cater to other's needs before us (which at times are also similar to our own emotional needs). It get's very complicated at times when I am facilitating someone for their problems that are similar to my own. When I am suggesting someone that 'You're going to make it. It's going to be fine, You are going to pull through, it's just a phase' while on the inside I am undergoing the same emotion. And I am breaking down more than they are at that moment of time.

But I think that's how we heal. And that's how we process and that's how we maintain our own 'sanity' whatsoever. It's in this process of facilitating another individual for their needs that we cater to our own. It's in times like these where we realize that what we are suggesting, probably is EXACTLY what we needed to hear from the longest of times ourselves. And we drift back to being our own 'normal' selves. It's a beautiful dichotomy, this phase of healing, where we heal through another individual that we are healing ourselves. But I guess this is the only way to be, because, as mental health professionals, it's very important that we maintain our own sanity as it's only then that we can help someone restore theirs. Don't you agree?

But having said that, it's high time we as mental health professionals 'allow' ourselves to 'heal too' and speak up if we have concerns. It's imperative not only for those individuals we are healing but also for our 'own' self. It's  time EVERYONE realizes that we too are 'humans' before being 'professionals' and that we should be ALLOWED to have our SHARE'S of LOWS too. It's time that people stop attaching stigmas to how we 'SHOULD BE FEELING' rather than how we ARE FEELING. Because I guess there isn't any right way to be? Or is there?

Think about it. Because that's how healing happens.

Before the world ends.....

The world has come to a stand still with this pandemic. Each one of us quarantined for 'good'. But as the days are passing by, I see more and more people talking about things they never had the time to talk about in all these years. It amazes and surprises me at the same time that probably it didn't 'occur' to them earlier that these things were always important. I see people spending time with their family, with themselves, singing, reading their favorite books, following their art/music/dance/writing hobbies, rejoicing whatever connect with 'nature' they can have, playing indoor games, working out like crazy, re-connecting with friends and distant family, having deep conversations with near ones, tagging each other in bingo/memes/challenges, and video-conferencing over phone with every lost connection as evident from their social media handle posts. And all this while all that I have been wondering is 'Did it really take a pandemic to make us realize all these little things in life?' Why did we need 'isolation' to value each other more, to value our mother earth more, to enjoy hearing the calmness of the winds and chirping of the birds, to understand the importance of having routine 'conversations' with our loved one's, or following our favorite hobbies?

I sure understand, that in our normal routines we all come across a lot of 'first world problems' so to say, that inhibit us from following what we love. But I hope this time is a reminder of all that we've been missing out in life, in years bygone. I hope it makes us value the simple things in life, like introspecting, having a fun tea-time with your family, dancing to the tune of your favorite songs randomly, working out regularly, singing out loud while video-conferencing with school friends and finding time to listen to the calmness of the winds and endearing the light of the moon. I hope it doesn't require another pandemic for us to realize that nature has a way with the world and it's best to realize this sooner than 'later'. To also remember what all these days have gives us as a gift, "The reminisces of old times, forgotten memories, lost contacts, meaningful conversations" only to be able to continue with the same after all this ends. It would be amazing if all of us could take note of the things we 'got' than the 'things' we lost in this period of turmoil, only then, would we treat each other with 'more humanity, gratitude, and love' in times to come. So let's pledge that before the world ends, we'll find time to be more 'human'.

Because else, we'd be reminded that 

Let's Talk Relation(s)!

The perception and definition of a 'Relationship' has really evolved over time. What used to be earlier associated with warmth, loyalty, personal contact, sharing details and mutual respect is now linked with convenience based, insecure, virtual interactions. Makes sense. But I don't know if this change has really made a difference for the better or the worse. We have definitely become more progressive and rational in our choices of people and the ways in which we want to connect with them but it has rather made the entire process of forming relationships mechanical and artificial. The very essence of connecting with a person, hearing out their story, relating with them and developing a bond has somewhere been replaced by a 'Hey, Whatsupp?' on a social networking site and a socially desirable response to the same. 

We start to loose touch with reality and more importantly with ourselves

by getting over involved with virtual environments which actually start to impact every other relationship in our life. We do things to keep up with the virtual world, to please our social media friends, to get a huge number of likes (now even love, wow etc). I remember seeing a bunch of teens at a coffee shop last  Sunday meeting up for some 'school reunion' apparently, sitting on a round table. All the while that I was their on this other table they insanely went on clicking pictures with each other half the time and then 'beautifying' their pictures the other half. While, I was just left thinking that they have

wasted their entire time merely trying to capture a moment, forgetting even to live it. What a shame. Where has the 'connect' and the 'talking' part gone? Because we don't really 'talk' now with each other, relations have become transitory, fragile, infidel and casual. And their is no progression in terms of thought that I can find in here. In order for us to be healthy, content, stable and happy, we need to non-mechanize this entire relationship building process. For this is one of the only things among many that need not be mechanical, thought over or planned but only emotional, honest and real. It's high time we realize this, else their won't really be any 'Human' in Human(ity) left. 

When things don't go 'As per the Plan!'

Nothing goes as per the plan. My friend with OCD didn't like the sound of that, but it is the truth. However organised we may be or however planned we expect things to turn out, they never happen to be the same. Remember, praying the other night that it doesn't rain tomorrow or your match would get postponed? Remember, telling yourself that the viva external wouldn't ask me those difficult questions everyone has heard he is asking them? Remember, making an office presentation overnight and the other day the office power suddenly went off while you were presenting it? We have all been there and done that. Normal situations we all came across. But how we reacted towards it mattered. The perception, the hope, the mindfulness, the analysis and the resilience we withheld in such overpowering situations mattered. There are no tips one can give for handling such a pressure situation. But there are certain measures that if we may obtain, chances are that we can come out of it with flying colors. Sitting in the park watching people go by, reading a book ironically named 'Thinking Fast and Slow', which is a remarkable best seller pictured around the corporate water filter gossip that goes around and how small decisions can leave bigger impacts. It talks of two systems i.e. the automatic or impulsive (fast mind) and the apprehensive or rational (slow mind). I decided to shut it down for a while and started to gulp into the character of it and 'think slow'. It felt as if people were going past me in slow motion and I could observe every inch of them. The lady with a kid in the pram walking past me with earplugs in her ears needless to observe her baby was feeling cold in that fancy red scarf she put on him just for the sake of it. The grey haired man with a stick in his hand, walking on the cemented path with his friends, not bothered about how he would manage to reach home before it gets dark. The young teen wearing a blue polka dot skirt with her beau having a time of her life, but with an apprehension in her eyes of being noticed by others in the park. The middle aged aunt with that grave expression on her face counting money on her fingertips probably trying to figure out the expenditures of the month ahead. And the 8 year old boy playing and jumping all over the park getting dirty in the mud unabashed by how his mother would react to his clothes. It was as if someone had pressed a pause button and I could notice the expressions people tried not to portray. Uncertain, that if they were as aware of their emotions as I was at that moment. Despite of all the conundrum we are surrounded by it's surprising how we still manage to work out a way at the end of it. Whether it is giving a great viva despite a strict external or easily managing the month ahead while we thought it would be one helluva task. We get over the situation and get stuck in a similar situation over and over again. Whether it is a nervous viva or a financially tight month end. Ever analysed how did that happen again? How did the things that were expected to fall into place suddenly dint go by smoothly? Nothing works out by itself. It takes the right kind of people, choices, actions and perceptions to work it out. May be we were thinking fast at that time. Had we slowed down, paused and re-winded the situation in our head we could have been in a better place. To err is human but to repeat it is stupid! We keep o thanking our stars that we got saved this time and the next time we will be careful. But we forget that it takes a real man to realize what went wrong and not repeat the same thing the next time. Maybe if you go through this article you get a knack of why things don't go 'as per the plan!'

The Void

At some point in life, we feel so dismantled and out of place that it's almost like we have entered into some void. It is as if someone has let loose of the noose that they had earlier held so tightly. We don't know which path to tread? We don't know whether this path would lead us where we want? We don't even know where do we exactly want to reach? We get up, eat, go to work or search for one, come back, eat, sleep and repeat. These years of 'struggle' can either make us or break us. Some of us may pull through while others may get shattered along the way. However we may be either brawny or  scrawny, with our loved ones or without them, either searching for work or working towards it, either happy or sad, we are NEVER content with where we are. If we are searching for work people don't just let us 'be', if we are working we might ourselves want to end up in a sabbatical. What's with us? What do we want?
This introspection needs to come now or sooner. It kills me while I read youngster's taking grave steps just because their circumstances were overpowering them and not conducive. Just because they had no one to speak with, just because they were having a really bad day, just because they broke up. Agreed, that we are born with a need to achieve, exert power and affiliate. But if any of these are amiss, we loose our equilibrium immediately. Situations then get the better of us. And the only thing that is so striking is how there has been this sudden shift in our priorities based on these needs. From how earlier, people had a stringent 'need to affiliate' while now there is this immense inclination towards 'power and achievement'. Being goal oriented is great but then ambitiousness is altogether different. I am not sure if we are aware of the thin line between the two. Even if we are the boundaries are becoming too hazy day by day. I am afraid they might just disappear. And it's not that there is a problem with why people are shifting priorities? I am no moral police in here! But it is definitely alarming how inhumane people are turning with this shift. They have no time to connect 'socially' although 'virtually', yes. Social media has become so overpowering that we hardly know what mood our fellow family member is in while we do know what status our colleague just posted. Money minting has become so jarring that we have almost forgotten we have a life outside it too. There are people we need to look after. People who have given us there valuable time. We migrate, we shift our bases altogether, we work like crazy, earn billions and what not. But what for? Those imaginary years that we are waiting for to spend it with the one's we care for may never even come. It is only NOW that we are in. Tomorrow holds no guarantee. Live in your 'NOW' and live it to the fullest, being sure of no regrets. The recent stats of lunacy have whooshed up like crazy. And it should ring a bell or it will be too late. Do not wait until it strikes you and then you end up doing something about it. Be receptive,be mindful and be aware of how people around you are, of whether they need to be listened to or talked about or if they are having a hard time or something to celebrate about. These are simple things in life that are not at all difficult nor time consuming, so just make sure you live every 'moment' that is happening NOW. And remember that the best things in life are never 'things'!

The Unprecedented!

Lately, I hung around with a bunch of teens, asking them about their mental health and the problems they face day in and out while they have just entered their teenage? Also how they deal with the social pressure combined with the academic stress that dawns upon them and still appear to be absolutely healthy? They answered, that it does disturb them and rattle them from their calm sometimes but they just manage. Perhaps, my question did ring a bell in one of those teens who questioned me back very politely, 'Mam while you were a teen how did you manage?'. I laughed, secretly thinking that I should humblebrag about it, but then I dropped the idea, looking at the innocent young boy's face who was seeking an honest answer. I said, in our times (although not that long back, but yeah quite some years ago) these issues were considered what we now consider as the 'first world problems' and he laughed. But seriously,not being able to manage problems of  our 'teenage' or maybe academics were not expected to be real problems in those times. It was rather considered to be histrionic. Not only our parents but friends, relatives and acquaintances believed that there was much more to life than to think of these meager issues. Recently though, these 'first world problems' have befitted to become the 'third world problems'! At least, that's what I've come to realize. And its not surprising at all. Intellectual health is stirring a storm among the masses in the recent times. People are becoming touchy of issues that din't bother them at all in the days bygone or it's just that they are becoming more mindful and expressive about their conceptual head-space. Which one is more suitable however is for you to decide and for me to ponder. It often intrigues me of how individuals have evolved over these years. And if it is for the better? These answers would take light years to become vivid though. Nevertheless, it is amazing how people are being outspoken about issues that affect them and that are unacceptable to them, irrespective of the irony of becoming an outlier. It's okay even if they are doing it for the sake of it. At least someone is taking a chance, which is great.
Some paths tread to nowhere absolutely, while some lead to places unforeseen. But the beauty lies in exploring the unprecedented. This is a strong schema I've always held in my head-space. Ironically though, being an 'outlier' is the new 'in', yet it has always been exhilarating for me to tread unacceptable paths. Wouldn't however be right to label it as a 'rebel' but surely I am insurgent of the fact's I don't believe in. Some aspects of life need to looked upon from a third person perspective and only then can they appear to be more rational. If all of us (including me) try and be objective of the situation and be intelligent enough to separate the person from the circumstance, then it might I believe sort out a lot cooking within ourselves and beyond.


'Cause some path's are meant to be hidden but some paths must be traveled to experience the beauty that lies ahead!'
#justsaying #2017vibes #bemindful #butnotjudgmental

What your Body language may Convey?

Your body has a mind of it's own. It's quite hysterical how the same person can convey different messages in different situations by just varying their body language. One moment we perceive the other person to be sweet, the next moment the same person may appear mean, bitchy, under confident, easy to fool, sharp, intellectual and the list goes on. And all of this only because of a shift in our posture, gesture or expression. Being from a background of life sciences I have come across quite a few cases where people express their concerns about shattering relationships, friendships and marriages. Not surprisingly though, one of the most important factors for all this conjecture is, I believe, an inability to comprehend what the other person meant to 'actually' convey. This lack of understanding about the thoughts and beliefs of the other may not be necessarily due to a lack of compatibility (as one always ends up perceiving) rather it may just be due to a void in the understanding of your own self expression. We don't seem to realize what our own body conveys simply because we are unaware of the impact that our gesture/posture can make on the other. Lately, an incident happened in which the above stood true and led to the end of a long standing married life. The husband only in order to express his concern for his wife (who happened to come late from her office, now, for quite a few days) instead of asking her politely 'where she had been all this while?' (which he actually intended to do) seemed to shout at her the moment she came back home without realizing that his wife could mistake his 'concern' for his 'suspicion', which she actually did. The actual message thus took a wrong turn and became the cause for this debilitating marriage. There have been many such similar instances that I have witnessed in the recent past but it hadn't struck me until now that all of them shared in common the need to 'perceive the unprecedented'. We are so involved in our own confirmation biases that the real message that we ought to convey somewhere gets amiss. Although I understand that being empathetic especially when you are yourself involved in a situation can be tough but it's not unmanageable. Something so fragile as a human bond can take a jiffy and break, so we have to be really wise in the words we choose and the way we portray our expressions about our concern or deprecation. This not only applies to our personal settings but also to our professional scenarios. Studies tell us that it takes the first 3 seconds for an employer to make an impression of his employee. That's really temperamental I must say. So till the time we come to realize what may go wrong, it might have, already! Certain quick tips that may help you come out of your ignorance of self expression are:

• Make sure your first impression is always good, remember the first '3' seconds count ;)
• Before drawing any conclusions make sure you 'listen' to what the other person has to say.
• Be aware of your own body language before confirming what the other person's body language is conveying.
• Do not have any preconceived notions of a particular situation or a person until you've been their and done that!
• Do not be too loud or too sober in your usage of gestures or postures.
• Make it a point to convey what you want 'to' instead of letting the real message being lost in the heat of the moment.
• Remember 'words can never be taken back', so be sure you speak wisely.

Body language is no rocket science, it come's from observing people like 'me' and 'you' in different situations however it is a very essential a component to foster healthy and meaningful relationships.