What your Body language may Convey?

Your body has a mind of it's own. It's quite hysterical how the same person can convey different messages in different situations by just varying their body language. One moment we perceive the other person to be sweet, the next moment the same person may appear mean, bitchy, under confident, easy to fool, sharp, intellectual and the list goes on. And all of this only because of a shift in our posture, gesture or expression. Being from a background of life sciences I have come across quite a few cases where people express their concerns about shattering relationships, friendships and marriages. Not surprisingly though, one of the most important factors for all this conjecture is, I believe, an inability to comprehend what the other person meant to 'actually' convey. This lack of understanding about the thoughts and beliefs of the other may not be necessarily due to a lack of compatibility (as one always ends up perceiving) rather it may just be due to a void in the understanding of your own self expression. We don't seem to realize what our own body conveys simply because we are unaware of the impact that our gesture/posture can make on the other. Lately, an incident happened in which the above stood true and led to the end of a long standing married life. The husband only in order to express his concern for his wife (who happened to come late from her office, now, for quite a few days) instead of asking her politely 'where she had been all this while?' (which he actually intended to do) seemed to shout at her the moment she came back home without realizing that his wife could mistake his 'concern' for his 'suspicion', which she actually did. The actual message thus took a wrong turn and became the cause for this debilitating marriage. There have been many such similar instances that I have witnessed in the recent past but it hadn't struck me until now that all of them shared in common the need to 'perceive the unprecedented'. We are so involved in our own confirmation biases that the real message that we ought to convey somewhere gets amiss. Although I understand that being empathetic especially when you are yourself involved in a situation can be tough but it's not unmanageable. Something so fragile as a human bond can take a jiffy and break, so we have to be really wise in the words we choose and the way we portray our expressions about our concern or deprecation. This not only applies to our personal settings but also to our professional scenarios. Studies tell us that it takes the first 3 seconds for an employer to make an impression of his employee. That's really temperamental I must say. So till the time we come to realize what may go wrong, it might have, already! Certain quick tips that may help you come out of your ignorance of self expression are:

• Make sure your first impression is always good, remember the first '3' seconds count ;)
• Before drawing any conclusions make sure you 'listen' to what the other person has to say.
• Be aware of your own body language before confirming what the other person's body language is conveying.
• Do not have any preconceived notions of a particular situation or a person until you've been their and done that!
• Do not be too loud or too sober in your usage of gestures or postures.
• Make it a point to convey what you want 'to' instead of letting the real message being lost in the heat of the moment.
• Remember 'words can never be taken back', so be sure you speak wisely.

Body language is no rocket science, it come's from observing people like 'me' and 'you' in different situations however it is a very essential a component to foster healthy and meaningful relationships.

Food For Thought

The Dark side to Human Psyche

On the brim of success when I was slapped by failure  in public, I came across the 'Yang' of my personality. The 'Yin' had been so pleasant till now that I somehow chose to neglect the 'Yang' in order to be socially acceptable. But as the saying goes 'The heart wants what it wants'. This dark side of my psyche seem to overpower me so intensely that it left me completely unabashed. And on the journey of discovering it I ultimately found my 'self'. This unblemished aspect was new but was extremely important to give me a an essence of my existence and my identity. I have always had a knack for the 'dark', I think it brings out the best in you. More than anything it brings forth the truth of your existence and being a 'Shrink' what more could please you than this ;) . I happen to resonate with Freud (who happens to be one of the most controversial psychologists) who somehow acknowledged this simple fact decades ago. He propagated his love for the wild and the unknown like no one else will. In order to discover the latent truth. Although he couldn't succeed in convincing people that the 'dark' exists and is important, he did stir a havoc in the minds of millions with his absurd concepts and illogical rationality. He instilled in people the need to be aware of their negative emotions going around within their selves and then to substantiate them in a manner that they bring out the best in you. It is similar to the experience that you get when you see a full moon lighting up a dark night. It perfectly fits  the idea of a gestalt understanding of your self. The negative emotions are a part of us and it's crucial to accept them. Once this understanding dawns upon you, it seems as if reality has taken turns. As if what you saw earlier was just half part of an unfinished painting that you may paint your strokes on and complete. Remember that the good can only be relished when you have tasted the bad. That the ebbs are only enjoyable if the lows have been deep. Give yourself that space of settling with both set of emotions as a part of you, for it is impossible to always be gay. All these years of university life I have come across people from all walks of life and a very small observation I made was that those who live on extremes (by extremes I mean either very happy or very sad) are often unaware of the opposite set of the expressions. This reconciliation of opposites makes you worthy of  not only an integrated personality but it instills in you massive self confidence and an adequate self esteem. However the art is of balancing the two because both enmeshment and estrangement are hurtful ends that can leave you brutally tarnished. So make sure you strike that balance for it is the key to a peaceful mind.

Ending your life, is not the End.

Suicides are outgrowing in numbers everyday, facts reveal that every 40 seconds a person dies. Worst being that these numbers will increase to every 20 seconds by 2020. With the ongoing mayhem in the country currently, where people are ending their life in a jiffy, I felt there is a stringent need to reach out to the masses (as much as I can) with this post. Waking up everyday to a newspaper story of someone intentionally ending their life can be debilitating, though we can't even begin to imagine how devastating it could be for the victim and their loved ones. It is so easy to read an article everyday of a young lad ending his life due to failure at exams or a farmer ending his life due to a crop failure. But do you think these reasons are good enough for a man to put an end to his life? Think about it, can a single event effect an individual so much that he doesn't feel like living anymore? I don't think so. Belonging myself to the field of behavioral sciences I've come to realize that it takes a lot to put things to an end. It's not easy to just jump of a cliff or hang yourself up leaving so many life's behind to suffer. A lot is at stake and mind you the individual is aware of it. We all have grown so ruthlessly busy that we have no time to notice the plight of the poor fellow. I am not sure how many of you have watched the celluloid blockbuster 'Tare Zameen Par' and remember the story it's main protagonist (Aamir Khan) told the affected child's (Darsheel Safari) parents that a tree doesn't die within a day. When it dies it still is getting water,sunlight, air, then how do you think it dies? Or as per this logic, can trees ever die then? Oh, yes they can. He narrated a story telling the neglected child's parent's that once upon a time a gardener planted a small sampling, he nurtured it, watered it, looked after it and it grew into a huge tree. But after it grew so big, the gardener thought he should be shifting his work area, as he doesn't have much to offer to the tree anymore because it has grown big enough to be left all by itself. He left, leaving behind no one to take care of it like he did. Trespassers sitting around and hanging around the area near the tree did not possess a great intent. They always seemed to talk negatively of people, things, events or for the matter of fact anything that came there way. So basically they were habitual 'critics' who negated things just without a  valid reason. Foolishly so, they started blaming the tree for their own errands day in and day out. Few days passed and the next day these trespassers visited the same area. They saw that the tree had fallen off. Their hadn't been a storm nor a woodcutter or a natural event that could have caused this.This really intrigued them although they failed to realize the reason for the same. Knowingly or unknowingly the only evident fact I could pick from the story was the constant nagging that the tree was subjected to which led to it's end. If a non living thing can be so sensitively affected by what it is susceptible to then we humans definitely need a reality check. Our busy routines, this competitive stride, this longing to earn money, to be the best, to stand upon societal expectations seems to have overtaken upon our basic need of 'social affiliation', 'acceptance', 'mutual respect' and 'feeling desirable'. The web is full of speculations regarding the youth/farmers/kids/elderly committing suicide, but sadly I nowhere found this simple cause of 'feeling alienated'. Isn't this is a good enough cause for us to understand the reason for increasing suicides? If you think of an individual who ends his life or is about to end his life, try imagining his frame of mind just a second before he jumps of a cliff. It gives me goose flesh! Terrifying as it may seem, it is daunting not only for the individual but for everybody connected to them. The spur of the moment which seems so weak can only be overcome if we have someone to look back to, someone to fall back upon. Even that one string attached can save a life. Be mindful of what is happening around, if someone is in need, if you may lend a hand. It is all around, we just need to be more aware. Don't let a life go too easy, because ending a life is definitely not the end. It may seem so, but it does more harm than good. A phone call, a hello, an 'are you okay?', a 'I need you', a 'You are important' can save millions of lives. Just don't forget to give these strokes to the ones you love, maybe that is just what they needed!

Reminiscences 2015 #Hello2016

Happy 2016 fellow mates, I hope the year began at a high note for everybody. 2015 had been a year of reflections for me personally, not only did I reconnect dots, met new people, gauged new perspectives, observed interesting facets from people close and not so close in life but also realized how important it was to bring 'sensitivity' towards people around you.
One of the aspects that really intrigued me was to 'de'cide to 'do'cide. One fine day, while in a conference a middle aged man brought this wonderful thought aboard, of how essential it was to 'do' what you planned to do. To mark off your 'highlights' and ignore the 'lowlights', to not just think but act upon it. It set me to think, reflect and act.
With every passing year the idea of how grades, academic excellence, rote learning years and authors will become ineffective one day seemed to become more vivid. A sense of happiness and a grain of insanity were the only two things that made sense to me. If you are happy in what you do, in being where you are or thinking what you shall be, then I guess nothing can be more enriching and exhilarating than that. The feeling of being satiated with your social, personal and occupational life is undoubtedly an ideal condition but moving towards it is what we need to do. It is important to 'move' and not to 'reach'. The journey matters, the goal doesn't. New age teens recently had come up with their own aphorism but then it really made sense, which went like 'Life is what happens to you between a Hello and a Goodbye!' Now that is interesting, isn't it? That is what actually happens. We hardly remember any pay checks, occupying leadership positions, winning trophies, buying new cellphones or the like. But rather how we lived,we led and we loved. All that you recall is how someone made you feel and not what they did. We ought to be more sensitive thus about how we make someone feel about themselves. To introspect is the key. Sometimes, it's not about external rewards, materialistic appraisals but rather about warm hugs, a small smile and a little appreciation. These small things in life can become the driving force for someone around and also for yourself. How would it feel to have someone there to back you, while you are nervous, daunting about your past or fearing about your failure? To know that if you win, your win would make someone proud, someone happy and rather not jealous or envious. I am sure nothing could feel better. These are really small 'strokes' that we sometimes forget to give to a dear one, not realizing it could work as a fuel to their fire.
Amidst all that surrounds us, it becomes difficult to stop and rethink upon the grey areas to life. The dichotomy of black and white is so jarring that we forget to break the glass, so as to see what lies above and beyond us. But this is the least we can do to better ourselves and to seek that satisfying experience we deserve to have.
It's important not only to know your own self but that of others, maybe that is how we can strike a balance between the yin and the yang (or the black and the white). So take that chance of saying a 'Hi', asking someone 'How they feel?' and also to explore something unknown. For if we don't try then we don't seem to 'move', and if we don't move then we can't really 'reach'!
#move #toreach #2016 #followmetillthelights